Public Speaking, Educating & Such

Last night, I had the amazing opportunity to speak with a group of adults in the Stephen Ministry Continuing Education Program at Grace Community Church in North Raleigh.  Stephen Ministry is a program that equips lay persons to provide distinctly Christian care to individuals who are experiencing all kinds of life needs and circumstances. Stephen Ministers are a group of gifted and dedicated volunteers whose mission is to provide personal, confidential, and caring support for a wide variety of concerns.  



I always get nervous before I speak to a group of people about open adoption.  I'm not sure why, but I'm always afraid that I'll blank out and forget the rest of the story.  I have this incredible fear that I'll be talking and suddenly I won't be able to remember what happened next.  It's silly, since I actually lived my experience, but nonetheless, something that makes me really nervous and anxious. 



I've learned that prayer has an amazing power to calm fears.  I prayed yesterday that God would help me to find the exact words to say to get the point across about open adoption--and He did!  The Lord has shown me time and time again that He is always good and that He is in always control.  I can only leave it up to Him to guide me in educating others about open adoption.  Blogging is easy for me.  I just isolate myself with a computer and a cup of coffee and words just start coming out.  Public speaking is different because all eyes are on you, and you have to speak about your sins and mistakes to a group of complete strangers.  "Hi guys, I got pregnant out of wedlock five years ago" isn't really the best way to start a speech.  Although it would be pretty funny if I did.  Last night was the first time that I feel as if my story flowed logically and naturally.  I wasn't nervous after I began, and the audience was intrigued and very interested.  I got lots of great questions and I even remembered to bring my gigantic book of pictures from the day Deanna was born up until present day Deanna Dollar.  I felt the presence of the Lord, and it was awesome.



I really enjoy speaking to people in a small, intimate setting like the high school class at Broughton and the adults at Stephen Ministry.  I like to simply sit in a chair, surrounded by my audience, and just speak from the heart.  I run into trouble when I'm given a microphone and a large audience that expects me to stand up.  A few weeks ago, I was asked to give a personal testimony about my experience with open adoption after a pro-life play in Cary.  I stood up with the microphone and looked out at a sea of about 200 faces staring at me.  Yikes!  Let me go home now!  Have you ever had a word vomit?  You know, when words just start coming out and you can't stop them?  That's what happened to me.  I can't remember exactly what I said, but I remember feeling very faint and light-headed.  What I actually said was probably somewhere along the lines of, "I..errrr...uuuuhhh, hhhh...hhhhh...hhhhheeeelllo. Welcome welcome welcome welcome!" I do remember that I forgot to mention what Robbie and I are doing now, the fact that I have started a birthmom blog, and some pretty major details of our story. I think the audience got the point, but this whole personal testimony thing has just been a huge learning experience for me.  I'm still learning how to let go of my fears and to stop worrying about making everything perfect.  Yes, I'm still a recovering perfectionist.



I'm thinking of starting a program for high school students to educate them about the consequences of teen sex.  I loved the class of high school students I spoke to at Broughton, and it has really inspired me to think of new ways to reach out to young people.  I want it to be different than just standing up and telling my story, though.  I want it to be unique, memorable, and more than someone coming to tell students, "don't do this!"  A video would be awesome, but I'd need some help. 

Anyone have any good ideas? 



Pictures from the State game this weekend:

You've gotta love the Family Circus classics...

Open Adoption Resources

I've been getting sort of overwhelmed with social media lately.  Between my three email accounts, Facebook , Twitter, Blogspot, and LinkedIn, I've become sort of lackadaisical in terms of social media lately.  Sometimes I feel like there is SOOOO much information that trying to keep up with the latest gadgets and networks is nearly impossible.  I've been doing alot of research on the Internet about open adoption lately, and I have found that there is significantly more information about open adoption than there was even a few weeks ago.  Everyday there are more articles, research, and blogs about adoption, and it has been rather overwhelming to try and keep up with everything.  Whew!  Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the Internet?

Regardless of the overwhelming factor, I think the Internet definitely serves as a spectacular way to network and communicate with people whom you would never have had the opportunity to come in contact with otherwise.  I also think that the more you research something (like adoption) the more credible you are when educating others about it and talking about it.  Anyway, I've some up with a list of awesome adoption and open adoption resources.  If you are interested in learning more about adoption and open adoption, browse through the links below and notify me if you find any other great websites.  

In no particular order:

• Open Adoption Solutions


• Open Adoption Examiner

• Birthmother Blessings


• Birthmom Buds


• Circle of Love Adoption


• Adoption Help & Guidance


• Our Open Adoption


• News & Observer, She's A Mother...
  
  


• Benefits of Open Adoption


• Open Adoption Bloggers


• Ask the Adoption Expert


• Adoption Voices 


• Heart Cries


• OMommaWrites


• Stefanie Jinelle's Journey
  
  

"In order to hear My voice, you must release all your worries into My care. Entrust Me to everything that concerns you....Accept each day just as it comes to you, remembering that I am sovereign over your life. Rejoice in this day that I have made, trusting that I am abundantly present in it. Instead of regretting or resenting the way things are, thank Me in all circumstances. Trust Me ad don't be fearful; thank Me and rest in my sovereignty." 

-Jesus Calling

 

Adventures in the Hospital

I came across an awesome blog a few days ago.  It's similar to my blog in that it's about a birthmother's journey, but the amazing thing is that this extraordinary 19-year-old woman has been blogging throughout her entire pregnancy and she just placed her baby in an adoption two weeks ago!  All of her emotions are so fresh and so real.  Reading her blog sort of makes me wish that I had thought to blog or even to just write privately about my experience during the pregnancy.  I started blogging this past February because 1) I didn't want to ever forget what I had been through 2) I wanted to help others to understand open adoption by sharing our story and 3) I wanted Deanna to be able to read it someday knowing that Robbie and I made this decision because we loved her sooooo much. So check this girl's amazing blog....



 Stefanie Jinelle's Journey



Reading Stefanie's blog really takes me for a trip down memory lane.  Really!  Just looking at her hospital pictures reminded me of how I felt in the hospital after little babe was born. Here's what happened during my experience at the hospital on July 11, 2005.  I'm very apprehensive of needles, and since I chose to have an epidural, the nurse gave me drug to relax me before the epidural (an epidural is a numbing drug that is administered through a gigantic needle which is placed in the spine.)  The relaxing drug gave me the giggles.  I went from groaning in pain from the contractions to hysterically laughing and telling ghost stories.  Don likes to remind me of this -- Don came into my hospital room as soon as we arrived at the hospital, and he asked how I was feeling.  I was in ALOT of pain, and he could tell. About 30 minutes later, I received the relaxing drug, and as De and Don sat in the waiting room, they heard hysterical laughter coming from down the hallway.  Don tiptoed around the corner and he heard the laughter get louder.  The laughter was coming from my room. He poked his head in, and he asked Robbie and Mary Beth what had happened.  Robbie told him that I received relaxing drug to prepare me for the epidural, and I proceeded to share a series of nonsensical jokes and ghost stories with Don, Robbie, MB and the rest of the hospital staff.  



If you know anything about epidurals, they completely numb you from the waist down.  Unfortunately, this meant that I couldn't really feel the "pushing" part of delivery.  People always ask me, "did the labor hurt?"  No, it really didn't at all!  I couldn't feel a thing--which was the problem.  Since I was numb, I couldn't really tell how hard I was pushing.  I probably would have been better off without the epidural because the delivery would be much faster.  More painful yes, but much faster too!  Anyway, Dr. Anthony kept encouraging me to push harder.  "I am!" I said, although I couldn't really tell.  After 5 hours of labor, he looked at me with a stern look above his bifocal lenses and said, "if you do not push harder, I am going to get the suction machine."  The whatttt?!?!?!?!?  "Okay, okay!  I'll try, I'll try!" I pleaded.  And Deanna was born a few minutes later.  Amazing what intimidation and scare tactics can do.



Don and De were behind a curtain in the delivery room, and the minute Deanna was born Dr. Anthony exclaimed, "happy anniversary of the slushie!"   (It was 7/11, apparently the anniversary of the slushie was on July 11th.)  We always thought that was a little strange. How did he know that?  And why didn't he exclaim, "ten fingers and ten toes, it's a girl!"  Then, immediately after the slushie comment, (keep in mind that Don and De were still behind the curtain) Robbie exclaimed, "what's wrong with her head?"  Babies tend to have misshaped heads when they travel through the birth canal, and this concerned Robbie, who didn't know that her head would eventually go back to it's "normal" shape.  All of these silly debacles make for some great delivery room tales. 



The nurses at the hospital were so incredibly understanding of our situation.  We far exceeded the maximum amount of visitors allowed per day, our family members seriously violated the hospital's visiting hours rule, and Robbie, De, and I all shared a hospital room together. All of these things were strictly frowned upon, but there were soooooooo many people who wanted to meet Deanna, and the nurses were especially sensitive to the adoption situation that was occurring.  They sort of turned a blind eye to all of our violations. The only time that they actually tried to enforce the rules is when the Leonard girls brought a huge box of fudge sickles and things got out of hand.



Our hospital adventures, although incredibly difficult and emotionally tumultuous, are some of my favorite memories.  Yes, I was heartbroken and so incredibly sad, but there are so many funny stories that came with that experience.  And the fact that I'm able to remember them all and smile is a pretty good sign.

Making Friends After Baby

So one of my previous blog posts was about dating after baby. My dear friend Natalie has requested a blog post about making friends after baby and their reactions to finding out that I'm actually a baby mama. Great topic NatBras!



It was very difficult for me to make friends after I had Deanna because 1) I was depressed and 2) because I was in a brand new environment (the southern reg) and things are wayyyy different down here. I was still trying to find my comfort zone and figure out what the south was all about.



Eventually, I made some absolutely amazing friends at Meredith College and I came to fit into the southern lifestyle just fine, but the difficult part was actually finding people who I was not only compatible with, but who would also accept me for what I have been through. That's tricky. I struggled with a delicate balance of wanting to share everything about Deanna and what I had just gone through, but not at the expense of scaring potential friends off. I didn't want to be "the girl who had the baby" at first meet, you know? I just wanted to be Amy Hutton for once...or at least until these potential friends got to know me better.



When I first started college, I remember trying to decide whether or not to put Deanna's picture around my dorm room. When new visitors would drop by my room to introduce themselves, they would often exclaim, "Aww that's such a cute baby! Who is it?" Uh-oh. She's my....dauuuuuu.... uhhh...niece! She's my niece." The story changed a few times. That's when I became a really good recreational liar. I didn't want to lie, I really didn't...but I didn't want to have to explain everything a million times and have people judge me. I avoided the scrutiny at all costs, so I came up with a different story every time. The recreational lie thing became a great defense mechanism. Sometimes it was fun. "She's my second cousin, twice removed." "She's my friend's baby." (which was true...De was a friend and Deanna was actually De's baby.) I was satisfied with that story because it was more of a recreational lie than a blatant lie and I didn't feel quite so guilty. As you can probably gather, I was not in my right mind. Come to think of it, I was probably even a little crazy.



During the first two weeks of school at Meredith College, the Leonards invited me to a big family dinner at their house. Don, De, and Deanna were also going to be there. Deanna was less than a month old. Mrs. Leonard (MB) asked me to bring a few of my friends for a nice home-cooked meal. I sort of laughed, "what friends?" But I did have a few people in mind. I didn't know these girls well at all, but I took a leap of faith and asked three of them to accompany me to the Leonards house for dinner. I was a little nervous since the baby was going to be there, and I didn't know how my potential friends would react to all these random people. I never told them my relationship to the Dollars except that they were just "family friends." My potential friends absolutely adored the newborn babe, and it's funny looking back to think that they never knew that she was the fruit of my loins! Of course, they all know about little babe now, but they never suspected anything at the time and that's somewhat amusing to me.



I can't remember which friend I confided in first about little babe, but I do know that each of my friends are sooooo incredibly accepting and they absolutely love little babe. I remember about a year ago, after a night on the town with my friends, we stood outside of the bar waiting for a cab.  It was raining, and I looked to my left and saw a magazine stand with free copies.  I grabbed a copy of whatever publication happened to be inside the case to shield my luscious locks from the rain.  Carolina Parent. A random drunk guy looked at me, looked at the magazine, and asked, "Are you a Carolina Parent?"  He was obviously joking and had no idea about what I had gone through.  I thought about it.  Then I replied, "Why, yes, I am."  He didn't believe me, and the baffled look on his face was priceless. He didn't understand why my friends and I could not stop laughing.



The fact that I'm a baby mama is not something that I immediately disclose to new people, but it's not something that I try to hide anymore either. I think part of growing up is being comfortable with who you are and what you've gone through. As a freshman in college, I was neither of those two things, hence the reason for the recreational lies. Today, however, I am both comfortable with who I am and what I've gone through. Cliche, yes, but I'm a stronger and better person because of it. I'm so thankful that my former "potential friends" have now become some of my best friends, and it's so nice to be able to share such an important part of my life with them.



And now some pictures of Deanna's amazing gymnastics debut!

Revising Short Texts and Syntax on IWB

WordMagnets is a really useful tool that students can either use alone on a computer, or that you can use in class with a projector or IWB.

Here's a short video showing you how to use it.



You can download a copy of the video here and copy suitable for iPod here.

WordMagnets is a simple tool that allows you to paste text into a field and then click a couple of times to change the text into word tiles a little like fridge magnets that you can drag and rearrange. Here's a text that I quickly copied in from an article about J. K. Rowling.

I clicked on 'Next', then ignored the opportunity to change the background and clicked 'Next' again and I had these randomised word tiles that I could then drag to recreate the text.


This is a great tool that has some really useful features. You can type in and add words to the text, or you can delete word tiles from the text by clicking on remove then clicking the words you want to get rid of.

You can also change the colour and size of the tiles, which could be useful if you really want them to stand out on a whiteboard or dataprojector.

How can we use this with students?

• Revising text - You can get students to test themselves working alone or in pairs on a computer. They simply copy and paste short snippets of text into the text field and generate their won activities. Just two sentences at a time should be enough (Try it, it's harder than you think). Then they have to drag the words back into the correct order. They can check against the original source to se if they get it right. This is great to help them develop an awareness of syntax and collocation.
• Dialogue build - You can type or copy some short dialogues either from your coursebook or by grabbing text from a movie script (Here's a site that has a huge collection of movie scripts that you can copy and paste from: Drew's Script-O-Rama). First get the students to read or listen to the short dialogues then get them to work together to arrange the words into the correct order (This would be a great time to have the dialogue on an IWB and students could actually come up and drag the words into the correct order themselves).
• Once you have the words in order you can get students to practice saying the dialogue. Once they have done it a few times, gradually start deleting words. Start with less important ones like articles and prepositions, so that the key 'sense' carrying words remain. See if your students can still say the dialogue. Then ask them to rebuild the text again adding the missing words. This is a great way to get students internalising dialogue.
• Error noticing - You could use the tool to revise a text with the whole class and actually add in some words that didn't appear in the text as distractors or delete some words and see if students can guess which ones are missing.
• Extending sentences - You could get the students to arrange a short sentence and then start adding new words to it to lengthen the sentence like the telescopic text from this exercise: Extending a Sentence. You could suggest a word to add to the sentence and then students can decide how and where they make it fit and what other words they need to add with it.
• Focus on form - You could use it to focus on form by creating an exercise using examples of sentences with a specific structure that you want to revise. Get the students to arrange the words of the sentences then highlight similarities in structure.
• Parts of speech - You can get students to colour code the parts of speech in the sentence of colour highlight collocations, etc.
  

What I like about it

• Word magnets is free, easy to use.
  
• You can use it to create materials and exercises almost instantly without any preparation.
  
• Once the Flash swf file is open it works quickly in your browser and so doesn't require a fast connection or any software downloads.
• It can push students to really think about syntax and collocation without having to focus too much on applying sets of rules.
• It makes text much easier to manipulate on an IWB (if you have ever tried to create an exercise like this on an IWB, you'll know that it takes a long time).
• You can get students up to the board and moving the words around and changing the colours themselves.
  

What I'm not so sure about

• It's a shame you cant save activities, but at least this means that you aren't violating copyright by cutting and pasting text as all activities are transitory.
• It would be useful to have a solution button that you could click and see the words in the right order. Again though this could also be a benefit because it encourages students to keep trying rather than give up and get the answer.

WordMagnets is a really useful tool whether your students are working alone or whether you are working with them using a projector. I hope you find it useful.

You can find more text based activities for EFL and ESL students here.

Related links:

• Translate Shakespeare 2 Text Lingo 4 Twitter??
  
• Goolge Maps for Directions
• Prompting reading speeds
• Comparing Texts to Aid Noticing
• Write Your Own Quick Biography
• Animated EFL ESL Writing Prompts
• Text to Speech for EFL ESL Materials
• Creating audio-visual monologues
• Drama project tools

Best

Nik Peachey

The Dollars Come to Raleigh!

Deanna & the NC State Gymnastics team

Don & Deanna preparing for the tailgate

Like grandpa like granddaughter -- BIG NC State fans right here

Can I interest you in a marshmallow?

Mrs. Wolf

Mr. Wolf

Deanna and her best friend Nathan

De & Deanna trying to stay dry

Hand over heart...

Amy & Deanna...up up and away!

Deanna & Robbie going to church with the Dollars

Sweet thing

Robbie & Deanna -- hugs all around

Dating After Baby

I love when people make suggestions for my next blog posts.  My friend Adrienne made a great suggestion a few weeks ago.  She sent me a sweet message that read, "I just wanted to say that I really enjoy reading all of your new posts and learning more about what you have gone through and continue to experience now. I think it is great you are being so open and honest!  I would love to hear more about how this has affected your dating life. I have a friend who is a single mom, and I know she has run into many different guys who have handled the news of her having a child in a lot of different ways. I have always wondered how it is to tell someone you are dating that kind of news."



What a great question. I didn't really start dating until almost a year after Robbie and I broke up.  I definitely needed that time to figure out who Amy Hutton was and what the heck she was supposed to do with her life.  When I was finally ready to jump back into the old dating pool again (I hadn't dated anyone besides Robbie since I was 16 years old), it was pretty scary, and being a birthmom made for some pretty interesting encounters.  One of my favorite things about being a birthmom is having the awkward "guess what...I had a baby" conversation. *Sarcasm* 



Should I tell my prospective boyfriend now?  Or should I wait until he knows me better? Wait a minute, this is only our first date!  I don't owe him an explanation. Actually, I should probably just come clean and tell him now.  Is that going to make it awkward for the rest of the night? No, no, he doesn't know me well enough yet.  Wait a minute, maybe he already knows!? Does he know? I'll just put it off one more day.  Do I have something in my teeth? This bra is waaaayyy too tight.



You get the idea.  As you can tell, I was back and forth quite a bit on the issue.  While I was in no way ashamed of the fact that I have a daughter, but I was tired of being judged by people who didn't know anything about me except that I had a child out of wedlock.  It was so incredibly frustrating.  I never knew who "knew" and who didn't know about little babe.  To set the record straight, there is a lot more to Amy "Amstel" Hutton than just being "the girl with the kid." Unfortunately, that's all that matters to some people.

 

The first boyfriend I dated after Robbie took the news great.  I told him about little babe a few weeks after we started dating.  I knew that secretly hoping he would never find out wasn't a logical solution, so I told him one night while we were hanging out on the swing set at a local park.  It was tough to bring up, but I eventually took the plunge.  I think I blurted, "I have a daughter!"  Major word vomit. And I think his reply was something like, "Really? What? That's awesome."  He didn't seem too shocked which leads me to believe that he probably already knew.  Nevertheless, huge relief.  



A year later, I began dating a different guy whom I met from the swim team. We had only gone out a few times, so I didn't deem it necessary to tell him about little babe unless things got more serious.  I didn't anticipate that happening anytime soon because I was still in lackadaisical Amy Hutton dating world where I didn't take dating anyone too seriously. A week later, this guy's ex-girlfriend took the liberty of telling him the news.  I found this out because he stopped calling me and then we had an extremely awkward encounter at a party later that week.  I pulled one of his friends aside privately at the party.  "Why is asshole (pardon my French) acting so weird towards me? Things were going so great last week..."  Now his friend was really stuck in the middle. "Uhh, you see, asshole kind of found out that you have a kid. His ex told him last week."  I was stunned. Silence. Then tears. And more tears.



I didn't really like this guy very much in the first place. I was overreacting. In fact, as my best friend Angela pointed out, his chest was wayyyyy too hairy. We didn't know this because we had ever seen him without a shirt on, but rather, because his dark chest hair was always spewing from the neckline of his tightly pressed collared shirt.  I think the reason I got so upset is because I knew that the day would eventually come when somebody would not accept me because of the fact that I have a child.  It wasn't like I was actually "raising my child" or struggling as a single mom.  Now that can be a lot of pressure for a prospective boyfriend to handle.  But I was shunned was because of the mere fact that I had been through the experience of having a child before he had. And that was upsetting to me. What if I end up really liking a guy in the future, and he doesn't want to date me because of this?  I was so conflicted; I was so proud of Deanna, but his attitude made me feel like I should be ashamed.  It messed with my head for a long time.



A few months after the infamous hairy-chested asshole debacle, I made a decision. I was approached by a reporter at NC State Technician, and they wanted to do a story about me and our open adoption.  I immediately agreed.  The Technician article came out, and then another article in the News & Observer.  It was such a blessing to finally be able to share my story and to show people how incredibly proud I am of Deanna Marie Dollar.  She is the best thing that has ever happened to me!  After both of the articles came out, I wasn't afraid anymore.  I didn't have to worry about having that awkward first date conversation, I didn't have to wonder who knew, and more importantly, I came to the realization that if a guy doesn't want to be with me because of the life experiences I have had, then he is not worth dating anyway.



Thankfully, I have found someone who is so incredibly accepting of the fact that I'm a birthmom, and he actually encourages me to blog and to share my story.  He often tells me that he actually respects me more because of the decisions I have made and because of the things I have been through.  Isn't that refreshing?  It's nice to finally feel accepted for who I am.  Yes, I may be a birthmom, there is so much more to me.  I'm a Jesus loving, family oriented, watermelon craving, coffee addicted, pro-life advocating, open adoption educating, news intrigued, accident-prone, recovering perfectionist...who happens to be birthmom to the most perfect little girl in the entire world.  As Ben Stiller would say with a swift judo chop and a ninja kick, "CAN YOU DEAL WITH THAT?!?!?!?"