I WANT TO BE A "LIFEGARDEN"

BACK TO LIFE, BACK TO REALITY

These past two weeks just flew by! Vacation was relaxing and wonderful, but as always, it went by way to quickly. And now my roommates and I are finally moved into our new house so hopefully things are finally settling down and I'll be able to blog more often. *Sigh* Hopefully.

De called me when I was in Florida last week, and she wanted to share a funny Deanna story that happened recently. (It seems that there have been an increasing number of funny Deanna stories as her personality develops...). Deanna has become obsessed with babies lately. She has a million baby dolls that she cares for, and when her baby cousin Grace was born, she made Don unwrap the entire baby so that Deanna could see her toes. Deanna has been begging Don and De for a baby sister, so De tried to her best to explain that babies grow up, they don't stay babies forever, and that it probably wouldn't happen. It's hard to reason with a 4-year-old, so De suggested that Deanna pray about it. The next day, Deanna woke up and asked De excitedly, "are we getting one?" De laughed and asked Deanna, "Now where in the world do you think we're going to get a baby sister?" Deanna replied matter-of-factly, "Amy Hutton."

Smart child. I laughed out loud when De told me the story. As much as I'd love for Deanna to have a baby sister, I'm don't have aspirations to become a family breeder. 9 months of morning sickness, being kicked in the ribs and showing off my sexy cankles was enough to last me at least another few years. Besides, I've already donated all of my maternity clothes. :)

It's been a few months since I've visited Deanna in Myrtle Beach, and I really miss it! As much as I've been wanting to visit, it seems like I haven't had a free weekend in ages. I'm hoping that will change very soon. Luckily, the NC State football season is right around the corner, and I'll be seeing plenty of Don, De, and Deanna at the home games.

Robbie and his friend Josh went to visit Don, De, and Deanna two weekends ago. They went to the beach and to a water park, so naturally I confiscated pictures from some of De's facebook albums and included them below. I love checking De's photos to see what they've been up to...

De has been taking Deanna to a gymnastic camp this summer, and Deanna was given an "invitation only" to join the Ocean Pearls team for 3-5 year olds. Great form! When I hear exciting stories like that, it makes me really realize how much of a blessing it is that Don and De are able to provide such wonderful opportunities for the little babe.

Check out her handstands!

PAINTING, MOVING, BEING A MAN

I've been rather absent-minded lately. I am in the process of moving out of my apartment and into a house with two of my best friends. The problem lies in the fact that we have to be out of our apartment by August 7th and we can't move into the house until August 10th. Bummer. We'll be homeless for approximately 3 days. Does anyone know of a decent soup kitchen? Bad joke. On top of that, we have to paint all of the walls back to white in our apartment before we move out. Did I mention I'll be on the annual Hutton family vacation in Florida next week? To break it down for you, that means my move-out-of-the-apartment date is now bumped up to Friday. Yes, Friday as in today. My life is pure and utter chaos and I'm in full stress mode.

Anyway, I spent the entire night painting my bedroom, dining room, and kitchen walls back to white. Five hours and a million coats of paint later, my roommate Katy and I had paint everywhere. We lost alot of good clothing items out there. Finally, when my arm was on the cusp of falling off and I could paint no longer, I passed out on my bed. When I woke up this morning, I realized that I had slept in a room full of paint fumes. Indeed, I had not even thought to crack a window. I'm feeling a bit silly this morning and I'm thinking it may have something to do with paint fumes. Gooooood thing.

So I've had a few things I've been meaning to address. Lunch with birthmom Leah was awesome! It was so great to meet somebody who understood where I've been and what I've gone through. She was just the sweetest person and we had so much to talk about. You may recall that Leah is a 22-year-old birthmom whose daughter was also placed in an open adoption. We met at Panera on Saturday, and she told me about an organization called Birthmom Buds that connects birthmoms in a social network. They even have a special celebration for Birthmother's Day every year. How cool is that? I contacted the woman in charge and I'm now officially a Birthmom Bud. Sweet.

Here's a quote from the Birthmom Buds website that I thought was very fitting for finally having the opportunity to meet with Leah: "Friendship is born at the moment when one says to the other, "What, you too? I thought I was the only one."
-http://www.birthmombuds.com

Moving right along. A blog follower recently made a comment inquiring whether Robbie, Deanna's birthfather, and I are still together. The answer to that questions is no, Robbie and I are not dating anymore. We are both happily dating other people, but Robbie is still my best friend and I have such an incredible respect for him after everything we have been through together.

When I started writing this blog, I wanted it to include as much detail as possible about open adoption without invading anybody's privacy. I usually shy away from mentioning alot about Robbie in my blog because I definitely want to respect his privacy, but I realized that it might translate into readers thinking that Robbie is not involved in our open adoption situation as much as I am. And that's simply not the case at all! Robbie is just as involved in Deanna's life as I am--and possibly even more. He loves that little girl more than life itself, and it's amazing to see the connection he has with Deanna. Robbie could have simply walked away when we found out that I was pregnant, but he didn't. He stuck by me through the entire experience, and I think that speaks volumes about his character.

A few months ago, a friend asked me to speak to the freshman in his resident hall on campus about crisis pregnancy and open adoption. (They have to have a certain amount of educational programs planned for their residents) I was all for it...until I heard that it was going to be a mostly male audience and I became hesitant. "These freshman guys aren't going to listen to an older girl talk about pregnancy and adoption," I thought. So I asked Robbie to accompany me to help me talk to the men. I knew he would have a bigger impact than I could. Sure enough, he came through for me and he did an amazing job. He spoke from his heart about his personal experience with crisis pregnancy and open adoption, and I could see how much of an impact he had. The guys could not believe that Robbie Leonard, the starting linebacker for NC State football team, was standing in the same room, having a personal conversation with them, and they were hanging onto every single word he said. My favorite part was when Robbie expressed the importance in "being a man" and taking responsibility for his actions.

I think it's a very common occurrence for men to run when they find out that their girlfriend is pregnant. And it's really sad to think that women feel forced to have abortions for this very reason. So when I think about the way that Robbie has handled the entire situation, I feel so blessed that I had such a strong person to support me through it all. I think that men everywhere should take some time to reflect on how they would have handled the same situation. Would you stick around and take responsibility for your actions? Or would you run?

If every man took the same responsibility that Robbie Leonard has, I think the world would be a much better place.

CONNECTIONS...

It's amazing, the crazy connections I've discovered these past few weeks. It began at the Triangle Right to Life meeting and it just keeps getting better.

At the Triangle Right to Life meeting a few weeks ago, a man approached me afterwards and introduced himself as Nelson Dollar, a Representative in the North Carolina General Assembly, who happens to be Don Dollar's distant cousin. How random is that? He's actually met Deanna quite a few times before. Small world.

Then, a few days ago, I received a comment on one of my blog posts from a birthmom named Leah, who had read my story in the N&O a few months ago. It turns out that we are both 22 years old, we both placed our daughters in open adoptions in Raleigh, and are daughters are both only a year apart in age. I was so thrilled to find another Christian birthmom who has such a positive open adoption story. She even has a really cool birthmom blog too!
Check it out-->> http://omommawrites.com/

After a few messages back and forth and a phone call later we are going to meet for lunch tomorrow. I am so excited to meet a fellow birthmom! Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person alive who truly understands what it’s like to go through the entire open adoption experience as a birthmom, so I’m really looking forward to meeting her and hearing more about her story and her perspective. I'll keep you updated!

On another note, Don just taught Deanna how to ride a bike without training wheels and how to drive the golf cart by herself. She just turned 4 last week! I'm hoping this is a sign that Don will have Deana ready for her Olympic swimming debut by the time she turns 10...

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS OPEN ADOPTION?

I finally donated all of my maternity clothes to Birthchoice during my lunch break today. It took me four freaking years to get it done, but I finally did it. Phew. Check!

So what exactly does "open adoption" mean? The truth is, open adoption is different in every single open adoption scenario because it is tailored to the needs of the birthfamily, the needs of the adoptive family, and most importantly, the needs of the adopted child.

According to www.adoptioninsight.org, "The primary difference between a truly open adoption and a semi-open adoption is that the adopted child has the potential of developing a one-on-one relationship with his or her birthfamily. It is not about the adoptive parents bestowing birthparents with the privilege of contact, nor is it about birthparents merely being available to provide information over the years. Direct contact, in the form of letters, phone calls and visits between the birthfamily and the adopted child, along with his adoptive family, is essential if they are to establish their own relationship. After all, how can we honestly call an adoption "open" if the child is not involved?"

When we first met with Don and De to discuss the possibility of having an open adoption, they told Robbie and I to ask them anything. After all, open adoption is truly about "openness" and being completely honest. So that's how our relationship began. "How often will we get to see her?" "What happens if you move away?" "Will you adopt other children?" "How will you discipline Deanna?" "How much will Robbie and I be able to stay involved in Deanna's life as she gets older?" "Why can't you have children of your own?" and "Are you both Christian?" "What religion would Deanna be raised to practice?"

Every single question mattered. And we talked ALOT about them. We began laying the groundwork for how our open adoption would work. We decided to keep Deanna at the forefront of all decisions we would make, as it would ultimately be up to her in deciding how much involvement she would want to have with her birthfamily.

After Deanna was born, we saw her a few times a week. In fact, the day that we left the hospital we were invited to have dinner at Don and De's house. During a typical week, the Dollars would have us over for dinner one night, or I would simply call De and stop by when I had some free time to visit between classes. It made me happy to have the freedom to see Deanna often, even though I didn't always take advantage of it. There was a peace of mind I had in simply knowing that I could stop by anytime. When I needed time to myself or I just didn't feel emotionally okay to visit Deanna, there was never any pressure, and I loved that. "I'm not really feeling up to visiting this week," I would say. No explanation needed. De just understood.

When Deanna turned 2, Don accepted a job in Myrtle Beach, hence moving the family to South Carolina. I was upset at first, but I knew from the previous conversations we had that the possibility of them moving was never out of the question. I knew that we would see less of them, but it actually was a blessing. It gave me a little bit of space to concentrate on figuring out who I was and it also provided me with the opportunity to truly cherish the times that I did get to spend with them when they came to town. Since most of Don's family still lives in Raleigh, and he has lifetime rights to season tickets for all NC State football games, I knew we would be seeing alot of them. And I was right.

Over the past four years, I have discovered what open adoption means to me. But the truth is, words cannot even begin to describe it. I cannot accurately tell you what open adoption means to me because it's something so incredibly special. It's something you would have to be a part of to truly understand. (And no, I'm not suggesting that you get pregnant so you can experience open adoption at its finest!) But I do hope that my blog will, at the very least, provide a glimpse of how God has chosen to use our open adoption story to help others and to save lives.

Using Wise Quotes with EFL ESL Students

I've always found wise (and sometimes not so wise) quotes really useful, both within the classroom with students and as a way of introducing a topic when writing materials. I've used lots of different websites to find quotes over the years, but iWise is certainly about to become my new favourite as it seems to have taken wise quotes to a new level.

You can search for quotes by keyword, look at quotes of the day, browse quotes by topic or just click for a random quote.


That isn't all, iWise is compatible with Twitter and allows you to re-tweet quotes or subscribe to and follow tweet feeds from your favourite sources of wisdom.


If you decide to search by topic etc, it even pulls in tweets from Twitter too.


So how about some quote activities with our EFL ESL students?

Here are some suggestions:

• Get students to find a random quote and translate it into their own language or find a parallel quote in their own L1.
• Collect 8 - 10 quotes on a similar topic and get students to discus them and see which ones they prefer / most agree with.
• Get 8 - 10 quotes and cut them in half to create a matching activity. Get your students to match the two halves of each quote.
• Get you students to match the quotes to the writer of the quote.
• Give your students a list of 6 - 8 topics and ask them to find their favourite quote on each topic, then compare them in class and discus / have a class vote on which is the best (students should try to convince others in the class that theirs is the best quote)
• Get two+ quotes on the same topic. Print them up and put them around the class get the students to stand by the one they most like / agree with and discus why.
• Choose 2 -3 people and get your students to find their best quotes, then compare that quotes and try to decide which of the people is the wisest.
• Give the first part of some quotes to your students and see if your students can write an ending to it.
• Find some quotes about someone and see if the students can guess who they are about.
• Use a single quote at the start of each lesson to lead in to the theme of the lesson.
• Use a single quote at the start of each lesson as a warmer and ask students if they agree / disagree with the quote. They could give it marks out of ten too. Keep a league of favourite quotes.
  

Why do I like it?

• It's free and really simple (but also quite complex)
• Some amazing features that really take advantage some Web 2.0 technology
• Lots of fast and varied ways to access the quotes
• There are loads of quotes from a real range of sources
• There is an iPhone ap which can enable you to get all this information via your iPhone or iPod Touch so great for mobile learners

What I'm not so sure about

• The site is so dynamic that you can see then loose quotes pretty quickly if you are just browsing.
• Some quotes can be a little abstract!
  
• The site is free, but the ap isn't, but it is very cheap (59p in UK). Here's a video showing how you can use it.

NB: I have bought the ap, but haven't tried it yet so this is NOT and endorsement of the ap.

I hope you enjoy iWise and the ideas here. Please leave a comment if you have any other favourite quote sites or suggestions for how you have used quotes with students.

Here you can find more online reading activities for EFL ESL students

Related links:

• Get the News Through Images
  
• Adventure Narratives for EFL ESL Students
  
• Exploiting two computer-based RPGs
• Exploiting Travel Images
• Art Photography as a Basis for Language Activities
• Create Image Books
• A Picture's worth
• Picture phrases

Best

Nik Peachey

JUST SO YA KNOW...

Why in the world is a blog about a birthmother's journey called "Amstel Life?"

I vaguely explained my reasoning in my first blog post, but I'm not sure anyone really understood or read that far down. Plus, for my new followers, it might seem a bit confusing or even slightly immature that a blog about open adoption contains the name of a popular alcoholic beverage. However, I do have a good reason for naming my blog "Amstel Life."

The title, "Amstel Life" is actually significant because it represents a major turning point in my life. The first year after I placed Deanna with her new family, I was emotionally distraught and severely depressed. A little more than a month after Deanna was born, I was forced to transition from a way-too-mature-for-my-age 18-year-old into a college student in a new state, hundreds of miles away from my family and friends and everything that I knew. Unbeknownst to my new friends and acquaintances at school, I was suffering from severe postpartum depression, and I had even gone so far as to stop eating.

I started seeing my counselor halfway through my freshman year at Meredith College, and things started getting a little better. I finally started to enjoy some aspects of my life as a college student, and I began making friends at school. Granted, I was still hurting, but things were getting better.

Finally, during my second semester at Meredith College, I was actually having fun. It was a strange feeling; I almost felt guilty for going out and having such great times with my friends. One memorable night when I was out at a college gathering with my friends, I managed to convince people that my name was "Amstel." I don't know what provoked me to make such a bold claim, but it was amusing to my friends, and it made me laugh. Yes, something actually made me smile. Eventually, my tale got so out-of-control that I had everyone believing that my name was Amstel because I was the product of my parent's wild honeymoon in Holland. Even some of my friends believed me. Of course, I eventually broke down and told the truth, but not before everyone got a few good laughs out of it. My friends started calling me Amstel after that night--not because I liked the beer (actually I had never even tried Amstel until this year)--but because it was the first time that I actually remember letting loose after the entire adoption ordeal. I was finally able to put aside my maturity and everything that I had been through and just enjoy being a normal 18-year-old.

So what exactly is "Amstel Life?" It's my turning point. It's me, Amstel, and this is my crazy life. It's not pretty, and it's not perfect (although sometimes I try to pretend that it is). But it's my journey of healing and helping others to understand what open adoption has the potential to be--a viable option for those experiencing unplanned pregnancy. Amstel life is not my way of promoting alcohol (although I have grown to enjoy the taste of an ice-cold Amstel Light every now and then), but rather, it represents the point in my life that I honestly knew that I was going to be okay.

And that's Amstel Life.