Labor Day Plans

Lucky me!  I visited Don, De, & Deanna this past Monday on my way back to Raleigh from Charleston. It was absolutely splendid.  Deanna is getting so big, and I honestly can't believe how mature she is.  She just turned six-years-old this past July, and her first day of 1st grade was Wednesday. Where has the time gone?  Tell me, where!?!

Even though I've watched Deanna grow up in periodic increments since she was born, every time I see her I can't believe how much she has matured and grown since the previous visit.  It makes me feel a little bit sad to think that she's not a baby anymore. I still laugh when I reminisce about her "younger" years, when she was rocking a Joe Dirt mullet because her hair didn't grow in on the top of her head.  And the way she slobbered the mushy sweet potato baby food out of her mouth when Don and De tried to feed her. Those precious moments will not soon be forgotten.  Now, at six-years-old, she is old enough to start asking questions and making observations about adoption.  De told me that after watching the movie "Orphan Annie" a few weeks ago, Deanna decided she was going to save her money "to buy an orphan." Such an altruistic little babe.



By nature, Deanna is very inquisitive and curious.  During our visit this past weekend, Deanna and I were alone, playing with dolls in her playroom.  At one point, she said to me, "let's pretend these kids are adopted." Although I was completely taken off-guard, I held back my "surprised face." I smiled and said, "okay" and we continued playing.  Afterwards, when I was in Deanna's bathroom, freshening up before going out to dinner, I heard a little knock at the door. Deanna let herself into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.  Just the two of us stood there, looking at each other in the large bathroom mirror. I smiled in the mirror, looking down at Deanna. She was quiet for a few minutes, and became almost uncharacteristically shy.  She studied me as I ran the brush through my hair and applied some gloss to my lips.  Then she broke her silence.  "AmyHutton, who is your mom?" she asked.  I looked down at her, knowing that she was trying to make sense of our relationship.  "My mom is Mi Mi" (Maureen) I answered.  I bent down and asked her if she wanted some lip gloss.  She broke into a huge smile, and I started applying the pink sparkly gloss to her lips.  Then she looked up and said, "Oh... I thought your mom was BeBe."



I couldn't help but laugh. "BeBe" (Mary Beth) is Robbie's mom. I've always been close with Bebe, as she was there for me during some of the darkest moments of my entire life, before and after Deanna's placement.  BeBe stuck beside me through it all, mentoring and coaching me through the entire 9 months of pregnancy and beyond. Heck, she was right by my side during childbirth.  How can you not be close to someone after an experience like that?!  I will be forever thankful and grateful for the guidance, provision, and entertainment she provided me during those times. At eight months pregnant, when I had the worst cankles (my ankles were the same size as my calves) because my legs were swollen during the sweltering hot North Carolina summer, Mary Beth would take me shopping and she would push me around in a wheelchair while people laughed and stared at the huge pregnant woman being pushed around Nordstrom.  Bebe helped me to adjust to life after placement, and she went above and beyond to help me get back on my feet and into a better place. Looking back, I see how Deanna could be confused.  I laughed and told Deanna that BeBe is Robbie's mom.  Deanna thought for a minute.  I could see her wheels turning. "How do you know her?" she asked.  Ah, kids.  "I know her because Robbie introduced me to her when I was in high school," I explained. I went on to do a silly impression of how we met, followed by a tickle-fest to top things off.  Deanna smiled and laughed, and she seemed to accept my answer for what it was. I think she is starting to figure out more about her relationship to Robbie and his family, but she's not sure exactly how it all works.



Deanna is a very smart little girl, and I know that she will eventually start understanding more about the biological connections she has with me, Robbie, and with our families  She'll get it someday. But for now, I just want for her to be an innocent little six-year-old without a care in the world.  I want her to realize how much she is loved, even if she doesn't understand why or how. Whether you're a mother or a birthmother, all you can really hope for, at the end of the day, is for your child to be happy and to feel loved. Deanna is happy, she is loved, and she has more people in this world who love her than she will ever know.  Time will tell how our relationships evolve as she gets older.  The future is uncertain, but I am firm in my belief that our circumstances aren't just the result of luck or chance, but rather, the result of a bigger, greater plan for each of our lives.



Ephesians 1 teaches us about God's ultimate plan.



"In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory."



-Ephesians 1: 5-12

Adoption Symposium - Sept. 23rd & 24th!

Have you heard the news?  I'm co-presenting "How to De-Freakify Open Adoption" with Lori Holden at the Open Adoption Symposium "Realities, Possibilities and Challenges" taking place September 23-24, 2011 at the University of Richmond School of Law.  

Lori Holden is a mom via adoption to two children. She was named a Top 10 Must-Read Mom by Parenting magazine and writes extensively about open adoption parenting at WriteMindOpenHeart. Lori has published several articles in Adoptive Families magazine and is the Open Adoption Examiner.  We are very excited to be opening a dialogue in our community about the many facets of adoption!  

Attendees are expected to be adoptees, birth/first parents, adoptive parents, adoption professionals, therapists, researchers, educators, media professionals, advocates, attorneys, policy makers and legislators. Registration is $85 for the two-day symposium and includes lunches. Registration is open through September 9.



Jim Gritter (LifeGivers, The Spirit of Open Adoption) and Adam Pertman (Adoption Nation) are the keynote speakers at the Open Adoption Symposium. 



Organizer Rebecca Ricardo, Director of Coordinators2Inc (and Richmond Adoptive Families Examiner) says that "attendees will have opportunities to discuss, from multiple viewpoints, adoption as a lifelong process. We do not intend for this symposium to discuss only open adoption nor to only discussion adoption from a positive or negative perspective. We will have a wide range of perspectives to give a full view of the complexity of the issues and to allow attendees an opportunity to consider adoption from a perspective other than their own."



Besides the keynote sessions there are more than 20 workshops presented. Some topics include:

• Tips from the Trenches: Finding Middle Ground in Open Adoptive Parenting


• How to De-Freakify Open Adoption


• Open Adoption: An examination of First/Birth Mothers experiences


• International Adoption: The journey to raising a secure & resilient child


• Older Children Adoptions: Opening their truth


• Openness Options when building a family through third party reproduction


• My First/Birth Mother Friended Me!: How families can manage contact from Facebook & other media


• Under the Microscope: Adoption practices during the Baby Scoop Era pertaining to surrendering mothers

A full list of workshops and presenters is available at www.C2ADOPT.ORG.

See you when I see you

So...I'm in love with Jason Aldean (and his newest album, My Kind of Party).  There's one song in particular that reminded me of open adoption the first time I heard it. The song is called "See You When I See You."  If you want to hear a snippet of this musical snack, scroll all the way down to the bottom of my blog and click on this song on my playlist.  If you're a birthmom in an open adoption, this song is definitely worth a listen.



If for some reason you are unable to hear Jason's magical pipes, here are the lyrics to the first part of the song:

Let's don't say goodbye

I hate the way it sounds

So, if you don't mind

Let's just say for now



See you when I see you

Another place, some other time

If I ever get down your way

Or you're ever up around mine

We'll laugh about the old days

And catch up on the new

Yeah, I'll see you when I see you

And I hope its some day soon'



This song reminds me alot of Deanna's adoptive mother, De.  I remember the day Don and De left the hospital with Deanna after she was born.  Though most of the details of that day are a sad, blurry memory for me, there is one positive thing I clearly remember. De made it point to not say goodbye when they left the hospital with Deanna.  Instead, De hugged me and said, "I love you, and I'll see ya soon."  And ever since that day, we continue to say, "see ya soon" instead of goodbye when we see each other.  Just a few weeks ago, De called to catch me up on all of the latest and greatest Deanna stories. After chatting it up for a good 45 minutes about Deanna's 6th birthday party at the beach, her new-found love of all animals (especially horses), and how she is already selling their chickens' eggs to all of the neighbors, I smiled when De said "see ya soon" before we hung up.  Sometimes it's the little things that mean the most. You know what I mean?  I'm so thankful for De and for the way that she is always in-tune to what other people are thinking and feeling, and how she just knows the perfect thing to say.  Even if it's just three little words at the end of a phone call.







































Amy & De, July 2005

De, Deanna (cheesy-poof mouth), Amy, Spring 2011





See you when I see you

Another place, some other time

If I ever get down your way

Or you're ever up around mine

We'll laugh about the old days

And catch up on the new

Yeah, I'll see you when I see you

And I hope its some day soon'

Two pink lines and six years later...

Two pink lines and six years later.  Today is Deanna's 6th birthday.  It's hard to summarize the past six years in just a few words. Amazing. Difficult. Wonderful. Sad. Exciting. Empty. Fulfilling. Satisfying. Bittersweet.  It's been a roller coaster of emotion since I began this open adoption journey six years ago.



On July 11, 2005, I didn't really know what to expect in terms of what our open adoption would be like; there were so many uncertainties and unknowns.  I only knew two things for sure: 1) It would be incredibly difficult for me to deal with the fact that I wouldn't be raising my daughter and 2) I would never be the same after what I had gone through at 18.

And I was so right.



To say that I had a difficult time coping with the loss of Deanna would be the understatement of the year. There were days where I didn't want to live and I didn't know how I was going to make it through. And I was forever changed by what I had gone through. But these truths don't change the fact that I still believe I made the right decision for my daughter. Six years later, I can happily say that I am at peace with myself and with my decision.  I absolutely adore Deanna's parents and extended family, and I wouldn't change the past for anything.  I have been forever changed because of what I've gone through...but I mean that in the best way possible. What God has done in my life these past few years is nothing short of amazing.  He has taken an impossible and heartbreaking situation and used it for His good.  "In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace"  Ephesians 1:7



The Purpose Driven Connection is a website and blog by Rick Warren, (author of The Purpose Driven Life). Warren writes a Daily Hope called: "A Mission You Need to Accept."  Here's my favorite snippet:

"God has a purpose for the hurts you’ve gone through. He wants you to use them to help others –Who better to help someone struggling with alcoholism than someone who has fought that battle? Who better to help someone with a special needs child than a parent with a special needs child? Who better to support someone in the middle of a failing marriage than someone who experienced the pain of a marriage that fell apart? Who better to offer hope to a child who feels unworthy in school than someone who grew up feeling unworthy in school?

God wants to use the very things you are most embarrassed or ashamed of to encourage other people. While we think we encourage other people with our strength, it’s often those things we want to keep hidden that speak to them. They can relate and find hope when they see how God has brought you through those times of trial and used you in spite of your weaknesses.

What will be your life mission? Your life mission is telling other how Jesus helped you overcome the challenges of your life. The good news of the Gospel is as simple as letting people know salvation is a free gift; that you don’t have to earn your way to heaven. It’s telling people how God wants them to live forever with him and that everything they’ve ever done wrong can be erased by God’s grace."

Everything you have ever done wrong can be erased by God's grace.  What a powerful and hope-filled message! 



It's so hard for me to believe that Deanna is six-years-old.  I honestly can't believe how quickly time has flown by.  It's so easy to get caught up in the past; wondering why things happened the way they did and revisiting the dreaded "what ifs."  I know because I did it for years.  But today is a brand new day, and being at peace with my decision means that I am finally able to move forward with my life.  Not looking back, but also not forgetting where I've been.  When you take a step back to look at the big picture and realize that God has a bigger (and better) plan for your life, it's so much easier to accept and move past whatever it is that you've been through.  Today is July 11, 2011, and I know two things for sure...



1) God is good all the time and 2) All the time, God is good. 



Happy birthday Miss Deanna Marie!



"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  Plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11 

Rambunctious little babe playing at the beach.  What a life!

It is well with my soul

I was featured at BirthMom Buds!

BirthMom Buds is an organization and website that provides peer counseling, support, encouragement, and friendship to pregnant women considering adoption as well as women who have already placed children for adoption. 



It was a huge honor for me to be featured as a guest-blogger at BirthMom Buds Blog.



Check it out by clicking here -->; Spotlight Blogger: Meet Amy H.  Enjoy!

Crowdsourcing Knowledge with Students

Over the last few weeks I have been playing with a very simple brainstorming and voting website called tricider. The great thing about tricider is that it is incredibly quick and simple to use, and yet it enables users to collect information and opinions from all over the web in a very easily digestible and powerful way.

It's very easy to create a tricider topic or question and you don't even need to register, just type your topic or question into the field.


You can also add a bit more detail and instructions to guide your students.

After you have saved the description, you or your students can start adding solutions.

Once there are some solutions added it's easy to either vote for them or add arguments for or against, using the + or - symbols.


Once you have set up your page you can add your email so that you get notifications when ever anyone adds something new or votes. You can also get a URL to edit the page (in case anyone adds something offensive) and a separate URL to either share with your students or post to Twtter or Facebook.

Here are some examples that I have set up to crowdsource in formation from my PLN.

• What digital skills do students need for the 21st century?
• How do we encourage pedagogically sound exploitation of technology in language learning?
• What do you want from a digital coursebook for EFL / ESL?

So how can we use this with students?

• Set up some controversial statements and get students to vote for the ones they agree / disagree with and leave pro and con comments. You could assign groups of students to all think of pros and another group to think of cons and see which can come up with the most convincing arguments. Example: Controversial Issues
  
• Your statements could be about a particular book your students are studying and they could add arguments for or against. Example: Goldilocks and the 3 Bears
  
• Get students to brainstorm word or phrases based around a theme. Example: Computer Phrases
  
• Get students to vote on a list of topics they want to study. Example: Topics
  
• Put up a list of favourite films or books or bands and get students to vote and debate which is best. Example: Favourite films
  
• Get students to brainstorm, debate and share knowledge about any particular topic or even language point. Example: Present Continuous
  
• Set up true false questions to check comprehension of a text.
• Create action research questionnaires to get feedback on the things you do in class. Example: Things we do in Class
  
• Create needs analysis questionnaires for your students or other colleagues. Example: Needs Analysis
  
• Get students create their own questionnaires and circulate them online (through Twitter or Facebook) to collect opinions. You could also get the students to use this information as part of a written assignment.

What's so good about tricider?

• It's free and really quick and easy to use.
• It's allows people to interact and share opinions.
• It doesn't require any registration.
• It's very simple for students to add their arguments or just vote.
• It updates very quickly so you could use it live in class and just click refresh as students add opinions or vote.
• It's versatile.
• It can help students pull in opinions from outside their classroom and also share opinions beyond their school.
• It creates easily digestible information.

What's not so good?

• Well there's not much wrong, but a couple of nice extra features would be:
• An embed code to allow me to embed the page into a blog or wiki.
• An archive button to enable me to close some of the debates so they don't go on forever.
• The ability to export the results to pdf or csv.

Well I hope you find tricider a useful tool and please do share any ideas you have for using it in the comments below.

Related links:

• Create a Video Q&A Booth
• So Ask Me a Question
• Create Video Questionnaires
• Creating Social Polls and Questionnaires Using Urtak
• Pros and Cons as Web Based Research Tasks

Best

Nik Peachey